It's hard to let others into our messes, whether its a proverbial mess of a disorganized life or the literal mess of a living room buried under all your stuff. But, letting someone in can be incredibly freeing - learning that others can help you be a better version of yourself simply by allowing them in.
Sometimes, people with ADHD or executive functioning challenges can struggle with friendships. They often experiencing their personal challenges through the lens of shame and self-criticism. This shame spiral undermines all the positive work you are doing to learn and incorporate new skills.
Letting someone into your "mess" means being vulnerable, sharing imperfections, asking for help, acknowledging what you don't do well. Allowing someone in means:
- openly taking responsibility for something you want to address
- asking someone to be witness to your work
- diligently working on the task in your friend's presence.
Pick a task you hate, but one that is necessary. The friend does not do the work for you, or even help you with the chore - the friend is there to see you do it, keep you company, talk, chat, watch a show, and (again) see you do the task. For example, it can mean asking a friend to come over while you clean up the clothing pile in the corner of your bedroom.
Taking these steps allows you to be authentic, genuine and vulnerable. Sometimes vulnerability is seen as weakness, but that is inherently incorrect. It requires great strength to let down your guard, and to not expect perfection. You do not expect others to be perfect, so allow yourself the same grace.
Here's some things you can ask others to help support you:
-Oil change - ask a friend to ride along in the car and keep you company at the mechanic.
-Laundry - ask a friend to watch a movie with you, and it will have pauses so you can change the loads. Fold clothes while watching.
-Dishes - ask a friend to come over for a cup of coffee and a chat while you work in the kitchen.
-Cleaning a room - clean up one spot for them to be able to sit, and then ask your friend to dj the music while you work on the room.
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